This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit

My condition reminds me of this Class 9 Poem by Ogden Nash :)

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head thatyou aren’t being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it’s all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won’t get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and afterall it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.

And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,
That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.

Testing Times...

Even with my obvious dislike for emotional outbursts these days, I can't avoid sharing a few sentiments of mine on this blog. So that explains my return here.

I am a bit lost for explanation these days. What else can you expect when your biggest strength becomes your biggest worry? When something you pride yourself on, makes you question yourself every day? Probably, it leads to a lot of self-doubt, which is what I am going through.

I haven't felt this helpless for a very long time. And not a surprise that love causes this. It is something that has made me do things I had thought I would never do. Well, a few good, and the rest bad. I have never ever been forced into this, always been my choice, and now that it hurts, I can't even blame anyone else. That's the tough part of it!!! You are responsible for your own decisions.

All it seems like is, I had the choice of two roads to take a couple of years back, and I chose one of them, and now I have come so far on it, that I can only move ahead... It reminds of the Mario game I played in my younger days, where you entered a wrong tunnel and then you just kept walking on and on. The game kept running and nothing happened, and the only option one had was to restart the game. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with that Restart button, and so I walk on and on.

It is kind of funny. After hundreds and thousands of conversations, lots of advices and pulling just about every thread in my brain, I still stand undecided about the outcomes. Probably,You want to wait, but the wait is made tougher for you. And then when you think the wait is too hard, and think you must move on, you find it is just not possible. Though the person you know has given you so many reasons so that you hate her, but you know she is not the person you had known. The situation and the factors have made her the way you never knew her to be. Now, has she really changed? Or can she still be the one you think her to be? That, as everything else, remains unanswered.

In a world where relationships fail as often as they are made, I can’t even find a precedent where things have went this way, and hence it’s just the more difficult. But then, when you can’t avoid it, then better accept it. And that’s what I am trying to do.