Testing Times...

Even with my obvious dislike for emotional outbursts these days, I can't avoid sharing a few sentiments of mine on this blog. So that explains my return here.

I am a bit lost for explanation these days. What else can you expect when your biggest strength becomes your biggest worry? When something you pride yourself on, makes you question yourself every day? Probably, it leads to a lot of self-doubt, which is what I am going through.

I haven't felt this helpless for a very long time. And not a surprise that love causes this. It is something that has made me do things I had thought I would never do. Well, a few good, and the rest bad. I have never ever been forced into this, always been my choice, and now that it hurts, I can't even blame anyone else. That's the tough part of it!!! You are responsible for your own decisions.

All it seems like is, I had the choice of two roads to take a couple of years back, and I chose one of them, and now I have come so far on it, that I can only move ahead... It reminds of the Mario game I played in my younger days, where you entered a wrong tunnel and then you just kept walking on and on. The game kept running and nothing happened, and the only option one had was to restart the game. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with that Restart button, and so I walk on and on.

It is kind of funny. After hundreds and thousands of conversations, lots of advices and pulling just about every thread in my brain, I still stand undecided about the outcomes. Probably,You want to wait, but the wait is made tougher for you. And then when you think the wait is too hard, and think you must move on, you find it is just not possible. Though the person you know has given you so many reasons so that you hate her, but you know she is not the person you had known. The situation and the factors have made her the way you never knew her to be. Now, has she really changed? Or can she still be the one you think her to be? That, as everything else, remains unanswered.

In a world where relationships fail as often as they are made, I can’t even find a precedent where things have went this way, and hence it’s just the more difficult. But then, when you can’t avoid it, then better accept it. And that’s what I am trying to do.