I often get blamed for not trying enough to change my life. For not trying enough to be happy. For them, all I can say is being happy is never the same as looking happy. Maybe even in the past, I never looked happy to the people around me- I always had a pretty serious demeanor. But I did feel happy. In any case, happiness is just a state of mind. Yes, if that happiness gets radiant enough to make everyone around you happy too, then that's a blessing. Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed enough! Not in that sense at least.
Over the last few years, it has become easier to reach that 'state of mind'. When people aren't the solution, you look for answers elsewhere. I guess that's human nature to work out a solution no matter what. So, I have found peace in cricket, in books, TV Series and music. These are stuff which will never really go away, would they? But each one of them is pretty materialistic, and there would be times these things just aren't enough.
There is one such time- the time of hollowness. It feels I have been living there the last few years. How do you come out of a hole that's so deep that no ropes or help can reach? You know to climb out of depths which are far lesser, but this one you have no experience with. You are living. and doing well, but the fact is you know you are miles and miles away from where you need to be. The surface. And it takes you back to the thoughts of the one who pushed you there, who could have lent a hand and pulled you up, but preferred to push you down further and further inside. Do you blame her? May be not. She did what was the best for her. That sadly was the worst for you.
Maybe it really wouldn't matter. With time, I have found peace with this hollowness. And maybe with time, I will back to the surface again. Till then, there is the cricket, and the TV Series. Hope the happiness lasts!
Over the last few years, it has become easier to reach that 'state of mind'. When people aren't the solution, you look for answers elsewhere. I guess that's human nature to work out a solution no matter what. So, I have found peace in cricket, in books, TV Series and music. These are stuff which will never really go away, would they? But each one of them is pretty materialistic, and there would be times these things just aren't enough.
There is one such time- the time of hollowness. It feels I have been living there the last few years. How do you come out of a hole that's so deep that no ropes or help can reach? You know to climb out of depths which are far lesser, but this one you have no experience with. You are living. and doing well, but the fact is you know you are miles and miles away from where you need to be. The surface. And it takes you back to the thoughts of the one who pushed you there, who could have lent a hand and pulled you up, but preferred to push you down further and further inside. Do you blame her? May be not. She did what was the best for her. That sadly was the worst for you.
Maybe it really wouldn't matter. With time, I have found peace with this hollowness. And maybe with time, I will back to the surface again. Till then, there is the cricket, and the TV Series. Hope the happiness lasts!
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:)
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